What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
