yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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