i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
