My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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