Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
