were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
