you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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