i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
