Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
