He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
someone threw a dead crab at me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
