she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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