y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
And then he peed in my hair
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