I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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