what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize