he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm too high and old for this...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
