She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
