Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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