All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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