Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
