ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
