I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
