Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
