You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
