Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
