I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
