His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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