My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize