this just has baby written all over it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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