For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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