The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
