Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
