I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
