You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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