the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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