a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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