Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
