i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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