We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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