i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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