Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
