I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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