i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
