just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
