I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Of course I have a pirate flag
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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