I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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