Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize