god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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