Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
