Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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