I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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