the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
