who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
