Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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