i think my tv is drunk
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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