i can't believe i had my finger in that
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
