I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
