Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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