There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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