32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
