It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
