i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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