Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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