I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
