this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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