It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
