can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
