I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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