at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I look excited, but its just a facade.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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