that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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