we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
