Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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