its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
