oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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