Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
