i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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