If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
