Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
3pm strippers are depressing
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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