Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
