Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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