Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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