Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
