im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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