You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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