you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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