Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
