Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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