Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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