I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the day after is always just damage control
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
