Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
