Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
