I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
