i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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