My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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