"it" just moved
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it glows. i had to have it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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