We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
