Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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