I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
